Post by LAWSON RAYNARD ANDREWS on Nov 1, 2013 18:36:09 GMT -5
Lawson nodded in understanding when Evelyn said she wasn't sure how to tell him about Lily and that it wasn't an easy thing to do. "Yeah, I give you props for having to go through that." His stomach twisted at the tone of Evelyn's voice as she talked about Ellen. He found himself all at once guilty for not telling Evelyn about Ellen in a better way, and he also felt a bit defensive of Ellen. After all, Evelyn didn't know Ellen; but he could see why she might be harsh. She had loved him and only him all those years ago, after all. He hoped she was able to move on with Jeff, or else she'd be doing the same thing to him that he did to her: love someone else while still loving an old flame.
"Don't worry, Evelyn, even if Ellen doesn't want me seeing Lily I still will. I'm a grown man and I can make my own decisions, and I want to see my daughter." His throat tightened as anxiety enveloped him. Well now he couldn't decide to not see Lily. Not that he wouldn't ever want to, but this was going to be a pretty big change in his life. But he'd have to get used to it, and he would. He smiled. "You haven't lost that spirit of yours that I loved so much." But his smile faltered; maybe he shouldn't be talking about things he used to love about Evelyn in front of her.
He frowned as he heard Evelyn talk about what she went through when she still loved him. He had been going through torture himself, deciding between Ellen and Evelyn. A woman that was actually with him, he could reach out and touch her, who loved him unconditionally, or a woman he just remembered from different times and how he'd fallen for her. And he did want something to do with it, hadn't she seen that? He hated not being able to forget about Ellen and he hated having to give up Evelyn. If she only knew how devastated he'd been after she walked out. If only she knew he'd tried once again to end his life because he felt like it was over and he had nothing left to live for because he'd let -caused, even- someone like her walk out of his life. He couldn't tell her all of that, though, or she'd feel guilty when she shouldn't. It hadn't been her fault, and Lawson knew he needed to make amends for his mistakes. And now he had to think… Did a part of him still love Evelyn, too? Yes, but he couldn't be sure if it was in a romantic way. But he and Evelyn did have a history that they'd need to work through, and hopefully they could. "I hated having to give you up… When I saw you walk out that door I felt like I had nothing left to live for because I'd ruined one of the greatest opportunities I'd ever get." He cleared his throat, trying to loosen it up. It was tight from emotion.
He looked over at Lily and felt his heart ache when she smiled at him. He could only watch in silence as Evelyn naturally helped Lily with her food. She was a great mother, he always knew she'd be a great one. "This isn't the best place to talk about everything," he said, turning his gaze back to Evelyn. He was about to say more when his phone rang. He answered it and heard Ellen's voice. "Yeah, I just stopped for a coffee. Yep, I'll meet you at the car." He hung up the call and sighed. "I need to get home, but I am glad we ran into each other again. Let me give you my number so you can call me whenever."
"Don't worry, Evelyn, even if Ellen doesn't want me seeing Lily I still will. I'm a grown man and I can make my own decisions, and I want to see my daughter." His throat tightened as anxiety enveloped him. Well now he couldn't decide to not see Lily. Not that he wouldn't ever want to, but this was going to be a pretty big change in his life. But he'd have to get used to it, and he would. He smiled. "You haven't lost that spirit of yours that I loved so much." But his smile faltered; maybe he shouldn't be talking about things he used to love about Evelyn in front of her.
He frowned as he heard Evelyn talk about what she went through when she still loved him. He had been going through torture himself, deciding between Ellen and Evelyn. A woman that was actually with him, he could reach out and touch her, who loved him unconditionally, or a woman he just remembered from different times and how he'd fallen for her. And he did want something to do with it, hadn't she seen that? He hated not being able to forget about Ellen and he hated having to give up Evelyn. If she only knew how devastated he'd been after she walked out. If only she knew he'd tried once again to end his life because he felt like it was over and he had nothing left to live for because he'd let -caused, even- someone like her walk out of his life. He couldn't tell her all of that, though, or she'd feel guilty when she shouldn't. It hadn't been her fault, and Lawson knew he needed to make amends for his mistakes. And now he had to think… Did a part of him still love Evelyn, too? Yes, but he couldn't be sure if it was in a romantic way. But he and Evelyn did have a history that they'd need to work through, and hopefully they could. "I hated having to give you up… When I saw you walk out that door I felt like I had nothing left to live for because I'd ruined one of the greatest opportunities I'd ever get." He cleared his throat, trying to loosen it up. It was tight from emotion.
He looked over at Lily and felt his heart ache when she smiled at him. He could only watch in silence as Evelyn naturally helped Lily with her food. She was a great mother, he always knew she'd be a great one. "This isn't the best place to talk about everything," he said, turning his gaze back to Evelyn. He was about to say more when his phone rang. He answered it and heard Ellen's voice. "Yeah, I just stopped for a coffee. Yep, I'll meet you at the car." He hung up the call and sighed. "I need to get home, but I am glad we ran into each other again. Let me give you my number so you can call me whenever."